Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
