i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
