Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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