i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
