Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
