my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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