dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
