i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
