dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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