LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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