Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
