so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
