Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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