at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
