you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
