If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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