we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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