someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
