Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
