Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
