So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
