Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
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