i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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