For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
