She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
