You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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