So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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