you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
