i would punch a child for taco bell
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
