Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
