i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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