My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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