if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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