Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
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she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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