Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize