yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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