is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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