She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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