bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
