they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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