His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
