i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
