Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
