They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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