So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
