my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
