If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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