Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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