I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
