Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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