tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
