I just cut my nipple shaving
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
