ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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