are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
