11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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