When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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