No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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