It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
