and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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