im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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