i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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