WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
