if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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