I need to stop coming to work sober
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
