You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
