i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
