you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
tell me about the fingering
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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