My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
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I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
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Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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