Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
